The Day Today

Since a blog is meant to be a personal thing, I thought I would use this to post up stuff about me, and my thoughts on life. I never really kept a diary as such, and I probably won't keep this up for very long. I will probably rant and ramble about stuff, and it may not always make much sense, but bear with me! Hopefully it'll be of some interest to someone.

So why did I never keep a diary? Well my brain is a bizarre thing. I don't want to sound sorry for myself, it's not something I talk about a lot, but I have mild dyslexia and scotopic vision. I also have problems with my balance and co-ordination. Great start. But this means that I struggle to read, and though my spelling isn't too bad, getting ideas from my brain to the screen (or piece of paper) just doesn't seem to work. I've also got a bit of an issue with obsessive compulsive (it runs in my family), so I may end up writing on here every day for a month, then I'll get bored and find some other obsession.

What is scotopic vision? Well it's where there's a problem with the cones and rods in my eyes. I'm not too sure what the problem is, but it means that the way I see colours is slightly warped.

The best way to describe it is, try going close up to a television. Can you see how there are pixals that make up the colours? Yeah well that is how I see colours. I don't see blue as a solid colour, I see it as prodominantly blue but there are tiny dots of other colours (which keep moving) that help to make up the colour. I even see this in the pitch blackness and when my eyes are closed.

I didn't find out I was dyslexic until I got to college. Though I did well in my Standard Grade exams, I really struggled at school. I found reading a real chore, and the subjects I did well in were the ones that were artistic (music being my forte) or the ones where we discussed the subject, such as history. English was a real pain in the backside! And I always hated the bit where you had to read out loud, because I knew I'd end up struggling and some idiot in the class would start laughing.

Now it's not just reading and writing that's the problem. Organisation is something that I've ALWAYS struggled with. I even find I'm having problems with it now.

What do I mean? Well on my store, I never know what to do next! Do I add more designs? Do I change the layout? Do I add more sections? Do I start on the advertising? How the hell am I going to do that? And instead of sitting down and going through it, I get stressed by it and go into a strop! I just get so annoyed with myself for not being able to go through it logically to solve the problem.

Even in my "proper" job, I was told on Sunday that I needed a kick up the butt because I got too involved in the area I've basically taken on myself, when they actually want me to do other stuff as well. But because there's no structure that I've been told of, I end up not knowing where to start and work out what needs to be done straight away, and I go off on a tangent and try to do too many jobs at once. It's now proving to be a problem, and I'm not sure what to do! I love my job, but it doesn't look like they want to keep me, and I've gone from working full time before Christmas to working just Sundays (which I can't afford to do).

So that's the negatives.

On the positive side, I've been playing music since I was 3. I've been writing music since I was 7, performing since I was 9. I can pick up an instrument and play something that resembles a song pretty much straight away. My problem is, I can pick up an instrument, but as soon as you say "practice makes perfect" and expect me to take lessons and go home and learn stuff I don't like, I get turned off and move on to something else. I get bored pretty quickly.

That doesn't mean to say I won't learn stuff. Oh no! I have played in a couple of bands, we used to play shows, we practiced at least once a week. I loved it! Playing on stage gives you the greatest buzz ever! Even if you're pooping yourself before you go on stage, once you're there, you don't want to get back off of it again.

I lost my confidence after my last band split up, I've been trying to rebuild my confidence (after hitting rock bottom) for the past 5 or 6 years, and I don't just mean in the playing music sense either.

I was a pretty depressed teenager, but I got to a point where it was really bad! Something happened to me (I may tell you later on what that was) but it made me have to pull myself out of the dirge. And I forced myself back up the spiral that I'd been spinning down for years.

Now apart from meeting my other half, who has helped me a lot, I also pushed myself into Street Teaming for a music label, and that has helped me out a lot! I met some of the bestest mates I could ever imagine, boosted my confidence and managed to learn a bit more about organisation! I adore street teaming, which I still do (but for a different label)! It's so much fun to do. But that is a different story which I may come back to.

So that's a bit about me. Most of you won't have known that about me before, so now you will know a bit more about where I'm coming from. You'll learn more with all my posts I guess.

But for now I am signing off. I need to grab some Z's!

P.S. If you're wondering why Albert Einstein is on this blog, Einstein was also dyslexic, along with many other great inventors, artists, musicians etc.













Me aged 15 in my first band, Quarter.